Here's the inevitable remake for George Romero's The Crazies, a movie whose name recognition evidently spells dollar signs, even though most people haven't heard of it. But the new version is less interested in recreating Romero's ramshackle original than in copying a dozen other movies. As a virus is transforming an Iowa town's human population, some bits have the apocalyptic desolation of 28 Days Later. There's a kitchen pursuit out of Jurassic Park. The heroes face the car wash terrors of The Final Destination. Director Breck Eisner tries to remake about a minute of Children of Men. And certain shots suggest he thinks of this movie as a Western. Romero's original satirized the government and military. It's testament to how little subversion is now accepted in the mainstream that the new one is about the fear of getting sick. It's a functional distraction---Eisner's filmmaking isn't transcendent pop, but he's put thought into his compositions. And the movie's episodic nature moves at a restless channel surfing clip.