It’s not just those who cannot learn from history who are doomed to repeat it. We’re all destined to the fate, and not only when it comes to history. Everything is reverberation—culture, news, gossip, newspaper columns…
I was going to write a satirical piece for my column this week about the latest near-terror air travel restrictions. It was to be a series of future-dated mock memos to passengers detailing ever-confining regulations and culminating with this punchline: soon, we’ll all be travelling naked.
But then I heard Jay Leno made the joke already. So scratch that. (thunk.)
Then I opened Saturday’s Globe and Mail to find Leanne Delap’s front-and-centre page-filler in the weekend Style section: Five Summer Fashion What Was She Thinking? Disasters.
I can only guess what the witty and meowingly catty ladies at gofugyourself.com, a two-year-old celeb fashion analysis (and spray-soda pop-from-your-nose hilarious) blog are thinking. Delap’s piece—whether she knows it or not—is a straight-paper take on the whip-smart snarkiness of Go Fug Yourself. Still, Delap and the Fuggers are right: Nelly Furtado’s summer pantaloons habit is wrong, wrong, wrong.
I mention Delap as a means of bringing up an old idea of mine, too. Crocs. I wrote a month ago about the popular plastic-foam garden shoes and their advance into all the wrong places—basically anywhere except the beach, the backyard and on the feet of children, nurses and massage therapists.
The day after my tsk-tsk ran in The Coast, I was credited by Denver, Colorado’s daily paper Rocky Mountain News as hurling the first stone in the soon-to-be-rampant Crocs backlash. Thank you. Thank you very much.
Then, lo and behold, the formerly pro-Crocs Leanne Delap included the light-weight outdoor slippers in her Summer Fashion Disasters piece, blaming them for making everyone look bottom-heavy. At least she writes, “Yes, I know I went on about loving these earlier this summer.”
Is Leanne Delap ripping off my anti-Crocs attitude? You read right. I’m asking: Is Globe and Mail style writer and former Fashion magazine editor-in-chief Delap biting my style? Look, if I could make a reasonable argument of this I would. But even a megalomaniac like me can’t spin it. All these ideas are out there all the time, getting recycled and hashed-over like last season’s must-haves at the Salvation Army Thrift Store.
I had another column half-written this week, by the way, on the European Union health commissioner’s official ruling that employers would not be in contravention of the EU’s anti-discrimination laws if they refused to employ someone on the basis of being a smoker.
There are only a few personal habits on this earth I detest more than smoking (no, actually, I just tried to think of some and I can’t). Nevertheless, the EU decision goes too far and I wanted, even in my disdain, to stand up for the smokers. But bloody hell, the anti-smoking groups are already at it, saying the ruling is too much and they stole the idea from all those icky smokers’ rights organizations (Does anyone discriminate on the basis of pantaloon-wearing? That’s a ruling I could get behind.).
No one has an original idea out there. And the fact that The Da Vinci Code author Dan Brown has four books on the Globe and Mail’s paperback fiction best-seller list right now proves it. All you need is a good formula. If I could just set one up for this week’s column, I’d be all set.
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