Come on. You know who it is. It’s Alan. You know Alan—the smarmy guy. Tallish, with the totally shaved head, rumoured to be an opera singer. He’s the one who pursed his lips, cocked his head, blinked too long and said “You’re welcome” when you thanked him for the soup and bagel, except you had that strange feeling that you really weren’t. And when you asked to have your latte in a glass rather than a bowl, all of a sudden you felt like you were being served by Basil Fawlty. But imagine, if Alan weren’t around, what would you have to talk about with your co-workers in the morning.